Saturday, 16 January 2016

Is That How One Starts the New Year? - January 16, 2015

With the New Year to a dramatic-family-issue start, I am glad for the sense of normal that has now continued since New Year’s Day that made me very worried if this was to be the outlook for 2016.  However, it seems that a number of other people faced some hard times, and much of it I related to.  For a number of people they lost loved ones to old age and illnesses, mostly cancer; even celebrities we know and love have been lost to it.  My heart breaks and I try to bring them comfort as in know what it is like losing loved ones cancer; my Mother being one of them.   

Then there are the friends and acquaintances who have a rough start to the year with entirely other matters: dramatic matters, and one could possibly say… no, I am going to say it is for certain they brought on themselves; fighting with their own loved ones has been a norm for them.  Luckily I am not a part of that at all, but by all my observations of the situation particularly the stories broadcasting on social media sites, you can tell that this is another crisis by people who have a pattern of always being in a fight with someone about something; which made me think on past times of them having the exact same battle with somebody else before the present one... just keeps happening again, aaaaand again!

Friend 1: Has fallen out with every single family member I know of, and I am not sure they have any family ties left except for possibly one.  Years ago in their youth, they slowly dropped out of having a relationship with each of their own blood relatives: started with siblings spouses which lead to the siblings, to the parents, to extended family such as cousins, aunts and uncles.  These were all people concentrated in one community.  So they turned to their friends and claimed them as their real family.  Then one by one, they no longer had a friendship with each of those people.  Finally, it was the family members of their spouses; even going so far as to comment that the spouse had better be choosing them over their spouse’s own family as each one fell out of their lives.  I can understand cutting ties with loved ones when there is a toxic relationship between the two parties that is doing great harm, I really do.  Just like I know that there are two sides to every story in a falling out. However, when the one person in each situation complains about the exact same issues with each of these people connected to them it makes me realize the common denominator in each scenario of these falling outs in this pal’s life is them.  I also being to question that are perhaps their short comings contribute the repetition of these types of situations in their relationships with people they once loved and cared for. 

In my total honest opinion of this pal I keep at a length that is much more than an arm’s length, I believe this is something they thrive on and will continue to do to people who come into their lives no matter what.  Unless something changes, this is just going to keep on happening. And I suspect (without going into details) the relationships they cultivate are for their own benefits with little or regard to the others involved; that includes some sort of social recognition they are going for in associating with the people they choose, as well as financial gain, and, they seem to enjoy gossiping and talking often about others in a negative way that I know they never would if the person they speak of were standing in front of them.  Often looking for all the faults they can point out in other and how they speak of other people whom they are focused on it often sounds like they don’t even really like the friend, acquaintance, or family member at all. I have often wondered, even at the distance between us what they have said about me when I am not present.

Speaking of always finding fault in others and cutting bonds, I have a few pals who also started off the New Year looking for a fight. They have their own certain political, sociological perspectives they strongly believe in and do their damndest to verbally uphold to everyone around them… It is also costing one's health and the other their friendships as well.

Pals #2 and #3 in 2016 are very focused on being right and hammering at others to follow in their own belief systems.  I once again point out that not everyone shares the same beliefs or even the same drives in what is the right way to change the world.  I also believe that if people are that angry to get into an argument with anyone, anywhere, at anytime, about an issue they are passionate about then I better see them out there trying to help make those changes, or better yet embody the changes they want to see.  Meaning: funneling their anger and passion into making the change which requires them to get up and get out in the real world and do it.  These are two individuals who often claim others picked a fight with them on the issue or troll on internet sites looking for things that people say that angers them.  All I see when this happens is typed out confrontations where I know that often it is not going to change peoples’ opinions they have but add fuel to the anger afterward and the fight changed nothing.  There is enough fighting in the world, and these ways of arguing I rarely see result in any good coming out of it; except perhaps for these people to go and find another fight.  Meanwhile Pal #2 has health issues as a result of much of this and Pal#3 is still jobless, living off the partner’s hard work and pay cheque and I mostly see them online constantly raving at the world because no one sees it their way.  I am thinking I would like to see them up and about and less preachy and more action with that talk.  That’s just what I think and feel on that matter.

Is this how people really want to start their New Year and this is how they really want to continue to live their lives?

I think for the amount of trials and tribulation-like issues my family and I have had to face (illnesses and deaths and people with addiction issues) when things are quiet and feel normal I am ever-grateful because it feels like I can breath, that my routine feels more solid, I can focus more on the hobbies and company of friends that I appreciate, love, and adore.  It’s such a blissful, peaceful, quiet atmosphere that I hold onto each time I obtain it for the time I think the universe will allow me to have. 

My Best Friend recently asked if they, a couple of pals of ours, and I, were the only ones who genuinely fight for and enjoy this type of solitude in our lives; as drama free as possible while knowing the reality that things happen in life that are troublesome and do have to be dealt with.  I had to agree that this was perhaps the case.   I will do what I can to hang onto the family members, friends and coworkers I can, even with the ups and downs and disagreements and knowing my opinions and beliefs will not always match theirs.  Life is too short not to love and appreciate it more often.