Friday, 18 December 2015

I Think She Meant "Inconvenient," Not, "Illogical" - December 18, 2015

On a snowy evening two days ago I was on a bus heading home that stopped at one of the small main transit centres along the way.  There was not many of us on the bus and most of them were heading home from a work day. 

A woman passenger who looked appalled and annoyed, then she suddenly got up out of her seat and went up to the bus driver and proceeded to wonder if he went closer to one of the train stations.  When he revealed that it did not she began to inquire to him, almost admonishing him like a child that she didn’t understand why the one of the main hubs we stopped at was not where one of the trains also stopped at. 

He explained to her of a few potential stops she could get off at and where she could either walk to the train station she spoke of or grab a train closer to one of the bus stops he goes by that she could catch a train that would take her straight to the stop if she took it.  But no matter what, she was totally unsatisfied, and what she really wanted was somehow for the world to change completely to her benefit; and that was for the train station to have been at the placed right where we arrived at the very moment, or, that a bus took her and dropped her off there.  To her the whole thing was, “illogical,” which was a word she would say the rest of the bus trip. 

To be perfectly honest, based on her now extremely snotty tone I thought this was odd that she assumed the universe should’ve have changed to her will in that moment and no matter what the driver said, and what us her fellow passengers tried to explain to her, she just got further frustrated, very dissatisfied.  The worse she got, the more she kept saying, “illogical.”

Someone asked her if this was a matter of urgency.  No!  So this was not a matter of the situation being illogical but to be revealed as an, "inconvenience," which I had thought about going to the front of the bus and voicing to her because now my calm bus ride was erupting with her presence of disdain.

The issue was is that she lived right by the station she desired, and therefore the setup of the stops and stations did not accommodate her at all, especially on cold snowy days such as the one the city experienced.  As nice as it would seem for any transit rider to have that luxury, it is not, and if this is a huge deal and a person can afford a vehicle perhaps that is in their best interest.

I have heard people ask drivers to reroute the bus for their own benefits with little disregard to what the driver’s job expectations were and how that affected other passengers, and for a moment it seemed to me that this was exactly where she was headed with the conversation… Sorry! Not conversation! Accusations she made at him for the layout of the transit system in the city in a tone that indicated a sense of entitlement and wished to have her demands met.

One more factor was she was not prepared for the weather. We live in a country of cold winters and plenty of snow to come with them and she was barely layered in proper clothing for the wind chilled snowfall.  She was dressed in very thin slacks, dress shoes, a coat that seemed more for cool spring or fall days. 

This is stuff like this that makes me realize how selfish sometimes certain people can. If I decided to be equally rude my recommendations would be the following:

She gets a car, or
Car pools with someone who can drop her off, or
Dress properly for winter conditions, or
Move. 

And if she did move I would recommend to another city, so I do not feel like someone with this much attitude, a sense of entitlement, and an actual belief in her unrealistic expectations was far away from the city I love, away from the transit system I enjoy and rely on, and because we could have worse problems in this place I love than on where the stops are.  Just a thought...

~Ange


Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Fight Back the Worry - December 9, 2015

I am job hunting now, after such a long break.  Wow! Two months, so long!

There are so many things that I settled within myself that needed to be tended to, much self-reflection (what else is new), working on projects I wanted to focus on, and realizing who I want to be.  The rest was very good for me.  And now, I have only applied to two jobs that I thought would be really exciting but heard nothing back.  

At first I was a little sad, and was even having the snowball negative effect of thoughts beginning to stomp and attempt to stampede: flashes of maybe I am not good enough to the world, and that after all the hard times I went through its about to get worse, and that this is all my life will be, one hardship after another and if I don't work right away what will happen to me?  That flash of getting upset with myself came to me wondering if this was a mistake to rest for two months was taking a bad a hold on me, it still kind of lingers at the moment. Grant it it has been eleven years and I knew if I didn't rest I may end up worse without taking one after losing my Mama and everything else I had lost in the past four years, then where would I be with myself? Probably tied in a jacket and pumped with drugs. The thought makes me laugh.  

Now at the moment, when I get anxious or upset I change my focus and meditatively pray.  That doesn't mean the negative thoughts, bad dreams, or worries go away, but refocusing to positive thinking, prayers, even daydreaming of funny or fantastical notions helps.  And it is a lot better than the alternative which is let everything bad overtake me and then I go crazy and am never heard from again.  

Keeping in the positive and bubbly after one crisis after is not realistic, even though that is my natural state,  and that's only because of all I have endured.  I am slowly recovering (it takes awhile to be put back together, even for myself) but I am in a bit of  a cycle of where I am happy and over the moon to suddenly if any inkling of bad is within my perimeter I get into ugly-thoughts mode and then I am physically unwell for a moment; followed by bad dreams it seems.  However, I am doing whatever it takes to fight back when it does.  That's what is important to me that I haven't lost yet, even in moments of despair: faith, hope, love, and optimism.  Let that never be taken away from me.  Otherwise I will worry!!!


~Ange.


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties

Monday, 7 December 2015

Dishes Is My Arch Nemesis - December 7, 2015

Dishes.... The way they are stacked in my sink right now look like jagged points of a mountain top, staring at me, making a point that they require my attention.  Does anyone else find dishes to be the enemy?

I am a big fan of to-do lists and dishes is actually written as a top priority even though I wrote, "ha, ha, ha," beside it, as I already know that this may not be give the immediate attention it deserves and it will soon over flow the sink while the rest of the apartment is immaculate.  I have been this way with this chore for a very long time in my life.  At least I scrape and rinse them so there is no smells or anything growing on them; they are just rinsed dishes that should really take no time to clean but I let them sit anyway.

I enjoy cleaning everything but dishes, it is a strange behavior to even myself, and I know it is because of me the dishes get dirty and stack up, yet I childishly blame them.  Ha ha ha! Oh dishes!

~Ange.

Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties

Friday, 4 December 2015

That Pen & Notebook Is Mine - December 4, 2015

I have been doing some travelling to visit loved ones a little more frequently, and I am a light packer, I really am.  I always carry a backpack for sure, sometimes my tote if I need to bring some extra things.  These days the top priority is some notebooks and my pack of pens being thrown in my bags before anything else.  They cannot be forgotten, they go everywhere with me, and if I almost forget them at someone else's house or someone goes to pick them up a very childlike reaction erupts in me saying, "that's mine, I got it," quickly putting it away. I may not be a great blogger lately, but for sure the writing never stops, the ideas, small notes, and lengthy essays that don't get posted never cease, and they are all with me wherever I go now.  As I pondered this while tucking my goodies away in my travel bag I realized I was like this when I was younger too.

I know I established in previous blogs that I am not a great writer, and I write a lot, but the realization that the writing has been there for years really dawned on me recently.  From small colourful diaries as a child, to short stories and poetry taking over scraps of paper from around the house on my parents to even using up old art paper as a teenager (got in trouble for that more than once when it turned out  my parents needed those sheets), to the present day where notebooks, sheets tore out of notebooks and scratch pads filled with colourful squiggly words are scattered all over my coffee table and desk.... and maybe underneath the coffee table.  I am loving it and wouldn't have it any other way, it is all mine even if it is a mess.  Perhaps the childlike possessive behaviour has not dwindled.

~Ange