This has been an interesting month so far, and it is not over yet...
Many things have occurred, with some I can share here, and others I cannot due to confidentiality of others whom I wish to keep their privacy safe. But, as always, I can discuss the ones pertaining to me of course which lead to my topic in the title.
With my Mom's passing, people making trouble for themselves and trying to get I or others to fix it, dramatics, and being sick (which I rarely do and I hate it because it is a complete waste of my time), there is no wonder at times I feel sad, depressed, down and out, confused, and trying to find a game plan to change that; because I am worried about losing my natural happy-go-lucky self all together and thus lose myself forever. These self reflections have made me realize where I am strong, where some things will take time to get to, and what needs to change immediately for the sake of my mind, feelings, body, and soul. Health is a big one, my stress levels, and therefore my soul.. my spirit.
I come from a family of folk where on the maternal side there are a number of people who require those medications to help with maintaining their emotional equilibrium; it helps a lot but of course they wish their bodies and minds would not be so tough on them... that LIFE wasn't so tough on them so they wouldn't need it despite they are very grateful for it. As for me, I know I have been through hell in back and perhaps it is my belief in the big guy in the sky, something different about my genes, or even the crises I have faced, but I have always known I need time to feel the emotions ~no matter what they are~ and then move on from it. Learn what to do next time and what works for me and help me pull through it; even if it is just extra sleep, playing video games, extra exercise, adding or taking away from my food intake, or being with loved ones. I just know that substances of any kind in the alcohol and drug departments are never going to work for me. I know that more and more as I get older. It would probably feel too numbing, and I wouldn't learn anything from it. That's my take on it.
Also, my imagination has always worked wonders for me. I have a dark side, and though it rarely comes out (thank goodness for the world) the upside is when you play out some things in your head of what you would want to say or do to people who annoy you or make you angry (especially when they are so immoral) it can feel liberating. You'd never actually do it, but imagining it helps, and I am sure I am not the only person who does it. For instance, when I am full on stressed and angry about something I go for a run, and you sometimes come across some jerks who say something rude to you ~even to other people that can bug me too~ lipping them off back that scares them into shutting up always makes me feel a lot better, even though on top of that I fantasize after of having inflicted some sort of physical pain on them. I would never did it, and the only time that would ever happen is when I would feel myself or others are in danger. But I feel better after. Stress free.
I know these days there many things that are continually blocking me, especially more crises that require my attention but, I can change that, and I know how to. As you get older and the fear lessens and you go through the hell that I and my loved ones have been you know what to do and how to do it, but sometimes the fear is still there. Fear of change, the unknown, the unfamiliar. However, I did notice what has erupted from that... a sense of adventure, excitement, the potential in myself, the potential for an even better, amazing life. Taking a chance rather than regretting never have tried. Looking at the definite positives rather than the worry of what could go wrong, or how I could fail. And rather than looking at how I could fall from glory, fail, lose so much look at my potential, the good in me, what I have to offer and where I could go from here... I realized in not having that viewpoint I am being unfair to myself, too hard on myself, and very unkind to myself.
It is time to try and face the unknown.
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.