Saturday, 29 August 2015

Turn It Off & Put It Down - August 29, 2015

This is a topic I am sure many of us out there has dwelled upon and discussed amongst ourselves, as I too have witnessed some debates on the matter, well, even arguments.  The matter is about the frequency of cell phones in use.  For me, I have very personal feelings on this topic.  As some of you may have already deduced from previous blogs I have this feeling of hatred toward my own cell phone.

I will not be explaining my anger toward others on cell phones when they are in motion: meaning when people are using them while on foot, biking, or driving... or any other way I may have missed mentioning where accidents were caused, injuries or even deaths.  If I had a discussion on the topic of the dangers of cellular devices it would require a whole other blog, and it's just too heartbreaking and makes me want to cry when I think on it.  Instead, I am merely discussing my anger I have towards cell phones with respect to them being used in the presence of other people in social gatherings.  You know... people using their phones when they are supposed to be spending quality time together. To start off, I would like to share my resentment toward my cell.

I didn't always dislike my cell phone as much as I do now.  But in recent years the emotion of hate toward it certainly has grew.  Did I mention I have a list (I like making lists) of reason why I hate mine in particular? I have a list:

-A heavy a reliance on it due to the pressures and expectations from others in my life to pay attention and respond to anything they send to me through the cell immediately.  And most often these are people who are constantly on their cell phones (big surprise).

-In relation to the first reason where people are getting angry or stressed by a non-immediate response, it's funny how I could write something I require immediate attention to and could even write, "URGENT!" in my messages but I don't get an answer for a long time; even too late in some cases.  Thus, that too makes me hate the beastly gadget (yes I am aware that by now I should be angry at the people and not the cell but alas I hate it anyway and blame it still, and at least I am honest about it).

-I hate the noises it makes.  Any noise it makes, including vibrations and the messages I can sense coming through even though I have it on silent modes.  I have disturbed a few pals on my ability to be able to sense things coming through on the cell when it is quiet.

-The days I want everyone to leave me alone is when the phone gets the busiest.  And if it is urgent then I have to keep it on,  especially with the number of emergencies and crises I have been dealing with in my life I of course keep it on and ensure that everything is resolved and everyone is okay.  But, it feels like a flood hitting me when this happens and I am held down and can't get a up; a metaphor that my life keeps getting stalled by one emergency after another and can't move forward.

However, when the world does not need saving and I am certain I can get away with it I save my own senses instead and turn the phone off.  It gives me rest, and a much peaceful end to my day without any technological distractions.  For instance, the usual things happen like all those lovely walks, books to read, things to write about, sitting down and doing art hobbies, or even clean... and all without distractions from anyone else.  It's nice, like how living was when I was younger and there was no cell phone and I didn't have to check it constantly, and just live.

My idea of living is drinking in the moments of life with other people in it (yes even to this lone wolf).  That's where I am going into with how people are annoying me by being more focused on their phones than what is going on right in front of them.  I get angry about it, even sad.

Sadly, in almost every outing with a group of people I am with there is someone (even more than one person in the group doing it) who focuses on their cell phone instead of listening to other people who are speaking.  Sometimes it is even throughout the whole social outing.

We could debate on the issue of emergencies or bad things going on in peoples' lives that requires them to keep it on and keep checking to make sure everything is alright,  but honestly, my take is this, do what I do, and maybe stay at home.  Perhaps that notion doesn't work for everyone and they still want to have a social life while needing to be on the phone all the time in case something bad happens, however, is that really having a social life?  Maybe I am wrong.  When I stay at home because I know I need to take all those phone calls and messages because there is a crisis to deal with it is easier for me to deal with it there. Even though I am missing out on the social outing I am missing out on it at home, and not in front of other people while I am consistently staring at my phone or taking calls or messages in the middle of the gathering.  I feel like if I cannot be immersed in the social gatherings of the people I love and care about then people will either be offended or deeply concerned if I am on the phone the whole time because things are not going well in my life. I either need to be alone, or, when it's not to be a fun time together and a private time to vent then my trusted buddies and I go do that.  There are more appropriate locations that are more reserved and quiet for such times to me.  And from what I have experienced most people leave a social gathering or don't show up when things are urgent in their lives. 

When you know it is not an emergency and people are still starting at the phone rather than being involved in the people who are talking, I have a problem with that.  That makes me feel like that whoever is speaking in that moment is not being heard, their feelings are being ignored, their stories do no compute with the cellular user at present.  Worse, that means they are disrespectful, and they don't think others are important when they are on that cell phone and not putting it down, or turning it off when someone is speaking to them.  It also makes me think there is some sort of self-centeredness going on, what I mean is, it comes across that unless the attention is on them then they are finding it elsewhere. Well, that's my thought, I could be wrong.  Or, another way to word it... the attention from the phone seems so self-important that it takes precedence over others they could be visiting with at present.  Am I wrong? Maybe, but that's what makes me think on the matter.

Recently a coworker asked me question when this topic came up and it got slightly heated amongst a few people: what do you do then, just turn it off?  And my answer was, YES! Everyone, I do turn it off.

When I am socializing with other people, I turn it off.  I do follow my own rules with myself.

Why? How can I just put it away like that?  Well, because if I am constantly focused on the phone or worried about the next emergency or crisis, I miss out on what's most important, and what is most important is people.

This lonewolf still loves people, and is still curious about the world around her, and everyone's stories.  I love listening to other people and listening about their lives; I not only love and care about them I love what everyone has to teach me.  I am fascinated by the person or people in front of me and I hope that they feel like I am fully into them and their lives and hanging on their every word, even feeling what they are feeing; whether it is sadness or anger, or happy and excited for the things that are happening in their lives... I want to be there for them and never let them doubt that I am.  It's called love, being supportive, respectful and living in the moments with them.  Or, as the old saying goes, drinking in those precious moments of life with them.


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made  To Her Thirties.

Saturday, 22 August 2015

When You Care So Much That You Don't Care - August 22, 2015

There are those of us out there who care so much that we learn what's important to care about, and where not to care for the sake of ourselves and those we love around us.  I went through a list in my head recently as I like writing, I like lists, and I find it helps keeps things in order and altogether for me.

I care about gossiping:

...especially about others and when it is hurting others, making them uncomfortable, and worse when the gossipers are lying.  When it comes to myself, I don't give a s*^t, because as far as I am concerned if you have a genuine problem with me and want it resolved, or, are up to the task of asking questions rather than speculating, you will come to me and hash it out.  If you cannot do that, then the problem is  yours, and not mine, and I do not care.  Also it tells me you are a coward and do not the have any guts or bravery to approach your issues with me. 

This next one kind of relates to gossips...

My life is my life, your life is your life: 

We are not living each other's lives, we each have our own lives, and as far as I am concerned it takes a lot of time and energy to make my machine called MY LIFE run the way it does. And guess what, it works really well, the system is just fine: I pay bills fully and on time, I work, I have a routine, and there is even time between crises to spend quality time with loved ones and enjoy those nerdy boring hobbies of mine called reading, writing, working out, playing video games, watch rentals, and adventure to new (or even old) places I love so much.  Not bad I'd say.  If that's a problem for others, well, it's not their life and I could say a lot about how others live their lives and how it is clearly not working for them because of the self-made issues it has created for them.  So I am not very good or listening or caring when people critique my life, just not.  It's hard enough to take care of our own lives rather than fussing over each other's, so... let's not let each other's lives be dwelled upon and gossiped about so heavily unless their is issues that wrongfully trickles and interferes into one another's lives, because then, yes, there is a problem... especially if poor decision making and looking for other's to resolve your life when you have made such foreseeable catastrophic decision making (can't get over how often that happens in the world) is interfering in someone else's well oiled and very balanced life... like my own. That's wrong, and it is not okay in my books.  And I tend to care less and less for yours as a result with such interference. I wonder if other people feel this way as I do?  Some examples are addictions of various kinds, poor planning and financial decision making, and using other people for own personal gain only to backfire (rightfully so) and then try other people to sympathize or fix their situation. 

I care more if there is a catastrophe or crisis that was taken out of someone's hands.. like a sudden firing or lay off, or natural disasters, or accidents, health issues, people in such pain that they don't know how to help themselves because they are so stressed or emotionally distraught.  I care more about those situations.

Frankly this was something I really just felt needed to get off my chest and it feels good to have done it... MOVING ON!


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made  To Her Thirties.

The Unknown - August 22, 2015

This has been an interesting month so far, and it is not over yet...

Many things have occurred, with some I can share here, and others I cannot due to confidentiality of others whom I wish to keep their privacy safe.  But, as always, I can discuss the ones pertaining to me of course which lead to my topic in the title. 

With my Mom's passing, people making trouble for themselves and trying to get I or others to fix it, dramatics, and being sick (which I rarely do and I hate it because it is a complete waste of my time), there is no wonder at times I feel sad, depressed, down and out, confused, and trying to find a game plan to change that; because I am worried about losing my natural happy-go-lucky self all together and thus lose myself forever.  These self reflections have made me realize where I am strong, where some things will take time to get to, and what needs to change immediately for the sake of my mind, feelings, body, and soul. Health is a big one, my stress levels, and therefore my soul.. my spirit.

I come from a family of folk where on the maternal side there are a number of people who require those medications to help with maintaining their emotional equilibrium; it helps a lot but of course they wish their bodies and minds would not be so tough on them... that LIFE wasn't so tough on them so they wouldn't need it despite they are very grateful for it.  As for me, I know I have been through hell in back and perhaps it is my belief in the big guy in the sky, something different about my genes, or even the crises I have faced, but I have always known I need time to feel the emotions ~no matter what they are~ and then move on from it.  Learn what to do next time and what works for me and help me pull through it; even if it is just extra sleep, playing video games, extra exercise, adding or taking away from my food intake, or being with loved ones.  I just know that substances of any kind in the alcohol and drug departments are never going to work for me.  I know that more and more as I get older.  It would probably feel too numbing, and I wouldn't learn anything from it. That's my take on it. 

Also, my imagination has always worked wonders for me.  I have a dark side, and though it rarely comes out (thank goodness for the world) the upside is when you play out some things in your head of what you would want to say or do to people who annoy you or make you angry (especially when they are so immoral) it can feel liberating. You'd never actually do it, but imagining it helps, and I am sure I am not the only person who does it.  For instance, when I am full on stressed and angry about something I go for a run, and you sometimes come across some jerks who say something rude to you ~even to other people that can bug me too~ lipping them off back that scares them into shutting up always makes me feel a lot better, even though on top of that I fantasize after of having inflicted some sort of physical pain on them. I would never did it, and the only time that would ever happen is when I would feel myself or others are in danger.  But I feel better after.  Stress free.

I know these days there many things that are continually blocking me, especially more crises that require my attention but, I can change that, and I know how to.  As you get older and the fear lessens and you go through the hell that I and my loved ones have been you know what to do and how to do it, but sometimes the fear is still there. Fear of change, the unknown, the unfamiliar.  However, I did notice what has erupted from that... a sense of adventure, excitement, the potential in myself, the potential for an even better, amazing life.  Taking a chance rather than regretting never have tried.  Looking at the definite positives rather than the worry of what could go wrong, or how I could fail.  And rather than looking at how I could fall from glory, fail, lose so much look at my potential, the good in me, what I have to offer and where I could go from here... I realized in not having that viewpoint I am being unfair to myself, too hard on myself, and very unkind to myself.  

It is time to try and face the unknown.


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made  To Her Thirties.

Thursday, 6 August 2015

As a Pedestrian - August 6, 2015

There are certain rules I have set for myself to follow as a pedestrian that  are important to me.  I often remind myself of them especially on the weekends, as that is when I am out and about the most.  All of us are different, having our own certain rules and respects to the roads and even sidewalks, however, that doesn't mean we all can't have some rules and respects to one another to ensure some sort of trust in valuing in each other's lives or welfare... right?

I have chosen my pedestrian rules as oppose to my rules for being a biker, driver, or even a transit user as I am most often on my feet to get somewhere anyway and therefore am reminding myself of my rules more frequently as a pedestrian.

-enjoy my music while also keeping attention to others, even drivers.
-keeping a watchful eye in front and over my shoulders
-cell phone is for when I am safely in a shop, on a bench, or in a safe spot on the sidewalks or paths
-be courteous and walk around others

I may enjoy my music and appear to live with my headphones on all the time, however, I am aware of how music makes me daydream easily and distract me from paying attention to the signal lights on the city streets, pedestrian walks or shared pathways with bikers, runners and other folks.  Therefore, daydreaming is for the buses and trains, and if I wish to continue feeling carefree to listen to music I must also pay attention to other humans, and that rule includes my phone too.  I save the phone for when I have safely crossed the path or road I have taken and am off to side out of everyone else's way, or in a shop, or even sitting down on a bench.  If I am not paying attention I could get injured by drivers and others who are not (prevention), or I may cause an incident.

Keeping an eye on the roads and sidewalks or other pathways both at the front of me and over my shoulder. This is important to me in areas with high volumes of other folk who could also be running or even biking.  I often stick to the sides to make it easier for others who are faster than me to pass by.  I I like to keep watching out for others to politely walk around, or make it easier for bikers to pass.  I am even looking back and forth on the roads constantly for vehicles even when the pedestrian sign is flashing as that also means other drivers often are allowed to go too and they may have to turn in my direction, and though they do have to wait for us walkers I still keep an eye on them.  I like to think of it as my version of defensive walking.  Even though pedestrians have the right of way, not all drivers are paying attention as they should and it could mean the difference between my soft watery body keeping safe and their ton-sized vehicles getting too close.  I watch, and make sure I am still not about to get hit, and gesture (no not the way you are thinking) if they are out of line for trying to either make me nervous to walk faster by drawing closer, or honking or anything like that.  I ensure I report incidences as required.  Someone almost hit me once for not looking both ways, and their look of fear and guilt was enough for me to lead me to think they thought twice about looking both ways, however, the other pedestrians did not think so and three of them reported what they saw.  Lesson learned I hope.  

As for cellular devices well... I have probably seen just as many pedestrians as drivers absorbed in their cell phones when they should be paying attention to their surroundings.  I reserve cellular use for the time I said above. It's just safer really.

As for walking around others.. well that's obvious.  Especially if it is anyone older than I, people with children, people carrying lots of things (heavy load of groceries) and I can maneuver easily around. Otherwise if my arms are full and I am slow moving, or paths and stairs in public places are narrow and I was kind of there first to one side, I am going to have to expect others to do the same for me (walk around me) in those instances.  Or I hope they do.


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made  To Her Thirties.