Monday, 27 July 2015

My Favourite Thing, Turning the Phone Off - July 27, 2015

Vacation is here.  Along with my time off comes one of my nasty habits I just relish getting into on long breaks... Turning my cell off. Isn't it awful? The old lonewolf turning off her cell phone for so many days? No texts to read, no phone calls to take, and no voice mails to hear.  

If I want to check any online messages I have access to internet pretty easily. That includes my blogs here as well. However, my cell is the real thorn in my side technology and internet-wise and not through computers; where I don't receive voice mails, texts or phone calls.  Everyone I know seems to be constantly calling, texting, even leaving more voice mails.  I have never adjusted to this, usually my phone has been silent.  For many weeks, NO, months now, it feels like it is burning out; well, I can't speak for my phone I guess, but I am burnt out from the amount of high usage I have with it.  Thank God for my cell plan to save me money, or I would be extra annoyed with the amount of money I would be required to cover my bill.

Besides my need to keep the phone off, but even taken apart (yes, taken apart, you read that right folks), but I believe it will also do the following three things:

-Teach others to survive on their own and get going on their own lives. Particularly full grown humans who know better and know exactly what they need to do.
-Less stress for me and will feel less annoyed or feel like people are trying to obligate me to fix their lives for them
-Because I believe I need to be cut off every now and then and have more peace and quiet, something I have had to fight and win all my life, and one day won't have to anymore I pray.  So moments like turning off a cell, a device where everyone can reach me anytime, and all the time needs to be shut down, torn apart so no one can do so and I don't have to give it a second though.

There many people including my surviving parent who have made decisions without solid plans, nor any well placed steps to follow nor back up plans.  It has become a situation in their lives where all these people didn't plan anything, they were too busy living in the moment without thoughts to the consequences or as to what could happen if they don't plan accordingly or if things go wrong.  Then what happens when things don't go right they don't want to take responsibility for their actions and have to fix it themselves either they try to get me to or worse, mooch and lean on me and then keep making the same mistakes because they haven't learned their lesson.  Like my ex, I am a convenience in their eyes.  However, I am a realist, I ask them questions and force them to self-reflect or I draw a line in the sand and prompt them they need to fix themselves and to take care of themselves.  But despite that, they still think by trying or pressuring it will make things change and they will get their way and won't have to work for their lives, make sacrifices and make the hard decisions for they continue to try and find people, anyone else, to fix their lives for them, achieve their goals and successes.  People like me.

What none of them realize is the sacrifices I have made in life, the hard (but right and just and what I feel is highly moral) decisions that got me to where I am today is why I am successful.  The journey.  The unbeaten path.  Through it I learned to be stronger, realistic, have a plan, be highly organized, and foresee what needs to be done more clearly all the time.  And as I age, and become more knowledgeable, what I want to do, learn next and become better than I already am.  It's hard enough to do all that with one's self and try and look out for others without doing everything for them; getting them to pick up themselves and learn and move on.... something that I see is becoming less likely to happen.  

But I am not God, I am not Superman, I can't be everywhere at once taking care of everyone at once, and coddling and solving everything for everyone.  I have my own journey that everyone keeps interrupting because they are trying to step on my mine to get to what they want, or where they want to go in life.  Especially when I see how easily they could do it, even directing them verbally. Yet every time I lend support through my ears and words and support through instruction (not bad plans even if they thought about it) all I see is the expressions on their face of it being too hard, that I won't do the work for them; they all want instant success and not have to do a damn thing to obtain what they want in life.  Well, I have don this, time for others to do the same.  It sounds harsh, cold, even unloving.  But I believe that it actually is probably the most loving thing I can do for them, and it helps to give a real reality check.  

I have worked hard, I deserve to start living more and continue on where I left off four years ago when I left my long term relationship.  While he and everyone else is still figuring things out and looking for everyone else to blame for their mistakes in life or lean on everyone else for their happiness I walk away from the dramatic chaos and troubling feelings of being used, and gonna continue on the next phase of the unbeaten path, and start to climb some big hills. Otherwise how will I ever conquer the mountains I see in the distance?


Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made  To Her Thirties.

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