Sunday, 27 July 2014

Music List - July 27, 2014

I am definitely one of those people who finds that one song I love; I feel it speaks to me so much through my ears that I have to put it on repeat for a whole day or more.  It is ridiculous, I know, and I blame my genetics on my Dad for this one because he does the exact same thing. 

Even after I go through long periods of not listening to them they are on repeat again the moment I rediscover those tunes.  

There are some that have made the list, both new and old.

If any of you have some that have withstood the test of time in your music collection you are more than welcome to share here.  I am always interested in other people's love for music too.

The latest on repeat are:

-Come Into My World (Abbey Road Sessions version) ~Kylie Minogue
-Dragon Rider~Two Steps From Hell
-Ava Adore~Smashing Pumpkins 
-Rogue Heart~Dragon Age 2 Soundtrack
-Reborn~Rebecca St. James
-Rock 'n' Roll Train~AC/DC
-It's a Long Way To the Top If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll~AC/DC
-Sugar~The Archies
-Dragula~Rob Zombie.
-Feel~Robbie Williams


Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

New Blog: Home Again - July 26, 2014

Oh Lord help me I am going home!

In giving up my career and leaving the city for a time (I am fortunate enough that I can keep my apartment and go home) I am spending time with family in very close quarters while reassessing where I want my life to go from here. My family, and me, together again, for who knows how long... how is this going to go?

I thought after my last day, and last weekend in the city and at work that I would definitely start feeling the anxiety or even be terrified of so much change.  Alas I don't.. or it just hasn't totally sunk in yet! Huh.

I get bursts of excitement mixed with a wave of questions popping up in my head from time to time, but other than that it has been more of a ride of relaxation along with the realization of how right this path is despite having no clue as to what I am going to do career-wise and how soon I will be back to the city.

My family and I are crazy in case you didn't know, and the mix of me being away from my much larger playground to a much more rural area with my loving, coddling, cuddly and nutty family may not be the best mix.

However, I made this decision.  And as one of my older, and I'd like to think (or hope) wiser cousins put it we need more time together as a family during good periods of our lives rather than when there is a death or near death events occurring in our lives.  I couldn't agree more.

My family will get their wish that we all may regret: me home for a long while... how much of one another can we handle before one or all of us may decide to kill one another?  We shall see.

As a result of this huge and almost unusual turn of events in my life, (one I have chosen), I am chronicling to keep my sanity and hopefully give you all a good laugh.  Perhaps you can relate to my family and our insanity too!

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

It's Important To Tell Others How You Feel About Them - July 23, 2014

Wednesday, I had realized with each day passing to the end of my time at my job, and soon leaving the city for a time to be with my family, I wanted to make sure that the families I had worked with for so long and had such a strong, positive rapport with in my career knew I was never going to forget them; nor the major impact each of them had on me in my time with them. Saying goodbye was going to be hard enough, but not ending it the way I wanted to would've been harder. 

I created tiny gifts for each other them and wrote down my fondest memories of each of them and how I would remember them forever.  I wanted them to know the way they changed me and made my life so meaningful.

I also bought things that I knew meant something between myself and the staff I was closest to and the bosses.  

Even if I was leaving because of the negative haze that hung in the air that they can't seem to push out, I didn't want to leave things on a dark note. That's just not me, and I don't want to be like that... ever.  To live a life and in a world that is like that is so wrong to me, and I might as well kill myself if that's the type of atmosphere I could never escape from and be exposed to for the rest of my life.  That's why I was leaving, because I knew myself enough that to work in such an environment would eventually destroy me from the inside out.

I am glad I laboured and loved every minute I spent in my creations.  I wanted, no, needed to do that.  In the end it was not only something I needed, it turned out the people I was giving it to needed it just as much.  

Life is not long enough to fill it with grudges, resentments, regrets, and anger more than love, care, and kindness; and it is definitely not in my nature to dwell on darkness.  In doing so, I have made better relationships and connections a life filled with joy and with very little regret.

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Superpowers? - July 21, 2014

On this day, I wished I had super powers...

As a child I had wished to grow up to be a super hero.  Like She-ra, or Superman! 

When I grew up and realized that would not happen, I was disappointed. 

However, in adult hood, my nicknames from loved ones, acquaintances and coworkers have been: Angel, and Superwoman.

One former coworker and I had tea the other day as we discussed life changes and where we saw our futures and she said to me, "Did anyone ever tell you you're like Superwoman? Because I watched you every day when we worked together and you are like that.. Superwoman!" 

I realized that some of those childish, innate desires of saving the world and making a difference had never really left me.  I would not realize until later in the week of just how much I impact those around me.. until that Friday...

But on this day, I had thought about super powers and what I would have, if I could.  I have wanted to be able to be:
-super strong
-super speedy
-bullet proof
-be capable of invisibility
-influence things of nature and animals.

I guess it would be handy in every day life to have those because of the things I could take care of in my own life.  Then I think about what I could do for others.  Lives that could be saved.  I guess I will never change.  I am still that kid who wanted to grow up to be Superman!

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Be Grateful and Considerate - July 20, 2014

There are some things that this world and my spirit have taught me that I have felt I should be mindful of.  Even take the time every day while I pray and meditate to dwell on them. Those are:

-Being grateful for what I have.
-Count my blessings.
-Think of my family, my friends, and other people I come across; taking a good look at them and pray for what they need, even if it’s just comfort and care.
-Give what I can to others, even if it's just of myself.

Not everyone has loved ones or support from others that many of us do.  Many in the world do not even have their basic needs covered: food, clothing, shelter, water, safety and security, or even a family.

Sadly, over thirty years later I am still learning about what to do, how I can help, and what poverty is all about.  I am still trying in ways to see what I can do to help while also (still learning this one) how to take care of myself.  I ask myself what I should be doing and what am I capable of in giving aid.

We all pass many people who live on the streets and turn a blind or are ignorant.  Often I think it is because we fear that those who live on the streets could hurt us, or, perhaps it is because we fear of their life being something that could happen to us. If we ignore them, they are less likely to have their attention drawn to us for too long and do something that could make us uncomfortable.  Then the other fear, fear of what we could become... the idea that if you ignore it, you won't be like that either.

I know we have gone so global that we can help others around the world who are also living in poverty and are suffering in areas of war; the violence, the fear and the pain.  I know we should be thinking about the world too and how we can help. However, how are we expected to properly help others on a world scale when we don't even know how to help those suffering in our own countries?

I am not saying that we should all hand out money all the time, or, have to stop and save someone by taking them in. But I see there are many ways to help and I should learn more about those.  

Even if I take moments to really look and see what is going on it opens my eyes a little more. If I ask, then I learn!

I have even offered hugs (yes I said a hug) because human contact, I believe, is essential. Seeking out programs and shelters that help people to have food in their bellies, roofs over their heads, get jobs, and get their lives on track is another thing I am going to take efforts to learn about. Everyone deserves that don't they?  Food! A place to call home! Feel safe! Work and succeed! Have people who can help! Be surrounded by love and care!  Everyone deserves chances to succeed and have a life where they aren't struggling to live day to day and hope they are not going to die that night. 

I pray on these things! I count my blessings every day and am grateful for all I have and my loved ones! If I didn't, I know for sure there would be no life.  I would just end it. I know for a fact, deep within, I would take this life I have, this gift that was given to me and curse it by ending it if I didn't have what I have.  I never take it for granted.  Hence, when I can, I give what I am able to, even if it is just of myself, to those who may need it, even just for a moment.

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Embracing the Rain and Putting Out the Fire – July 19, 2014

I thought about calling this, “Putting out the fire… OR RUN FROM IT!”

I couldn’t decide since I wrote my blog reflecting on how my present job was a metaphor for fire: if it is a situation of me putting out a fire? Or! Running from it?  In the end, I realize I am walking away with a rain cloud protecting me along the way.  
Most people I know do not like rain much. They like heat, they like things HOT! They embrace it!
Until… like what is happening at present… lightning strikes the ground making a fire and it spreads rapidly; because without rain everything is so dry the fire can move over it easily. Even with heat lasting for too long without a fire occurring people can get dehydrated, burned, head pains, and tummy pains! Suddenly the heat without any rain is too much! And they take back their statements pretty quick and ask where the rain is.
I guess most people think of rain clouds in a negative sense, but not me.  I grew up on a farm where I learned very quick as a tiny child that the balance of weather is crucial for everything to thrive; not just for the farm with all the animals and fields my grandparents cared for, but also the forests, lakes, rivers, creeks and hills all us farm families in the region were surrounded by.  Overtime, as all us farm kids grew up, we didn’t just see how important the need for rain was, we felt it too. If the rain didn’t come when it was needed, we, like the lands, were not ourselves.  I would get grumpy, annoyed and frustrated! I do get frustrated and annoyed even now when there is too much heat and not enough precipitation.

For too long at work, the negative-angry-anxious-filled atmosphere has surrounded everyone and everything is a lot like heat, like fire… it could not be handled by just ignoring it or hoping it would go away (even though I tried to douse I am still one person with a bucket of water against a raging fire which is not going to cut it now is it?).  What was (and still is) happening at a place that was not always like this, is not new to me; I have seen what is going on occur with family, friends, and even with a couple of landlords of a couple of buildings I have lived in.  When the landlord was not following through on their duties and were not paying attention (or maybe didn’t care anymore), tenants and their guests in the building destroyed the atmosphere. Suddenly home felt unsafe and uncomfortable for others to live in, furthermore, you saw the building itself get wrecked as well.

If you don’t keep up a balance, some part of you, or many parts of yourself, can get ruined.  The fire destroys, it just wants to burn when there is no dirt and water to make mud and rub it out.  Meaning, without enough good people being proactive and coming together to problem solve, things get wrecked, put out of balance.  It’s hard enough for one person taking care of their own life which is a smaller scale already, versus larger spheres which require much larger groups to help. The larger the groups, the more everyone needs to be on board on keeping things running, like a well-maintained machine; it often take can only take one part to go before the whole thing is not functioning as it should.

I used work as an example in my last blog, I am going smaller and going to use my own teeny-tiny life as the example now; because if I am off on any part of my life then I am not balanced and the whole thing doesn’t run as smoothly.  The number one thing that makes my life rocky is I go through a period of lack of sleep. After just a couple of nights where I don't sleep well, bad things start to happen.  The more I don't get enough sleep as the week goes on, it gets worse:
-I am weak
-There is a lack of focus
-I start getting annoyed easily
-I don't eat well
-I hate socializing
-Tasks and errands (even the super-duper important ones) start to get neglected
-I lack empathy and sympathy for the rest of the world
-I get sick.

What it boils down to is after I get enough sleep and recover, I am then scrambling to clean my home, get errands done and complete tasks on time, I have no food in my fridge or cupboards, I have lots of phone calls and messages to respond to because I need to let everyone know I am alive and still love them, and I guilt trip myself for the next while. Lack of sleep, just ONE aspect of my being that is quite necessary for me and should NEVER be neglected throws my whole little kingdom out of order and will burn it to the ground if I am not careful.

I have seen people, those who are near and dear to me even, who live a life of crisis; in fact, they appear to be in a perpetual state of it.  There are always statements like: 
-"It’s the way I am"
-"There is always stuff that needs to be done."
-"If I stop it won't get done and then bad things will happen."
-"Time is money."
-"It's like the world will end if I don't and I can't just let it go. I can't!"
-"This is the way I prefer to live my life."
-"Work is what I am and what I do. This is who I am."

Yet, no matter what they say and do, I don't see them happy, filled with joy, or ever optimistic or energetic, and rarely (if ever), passionate about how they live like that!

I have shared with them techniques that could help for their stresses or resolve problems, and encourage that they take time to pamper themselves or even take a vacation and touch base with loved ones. But if they don't want help, if they don't want to hear it because they have lived this way for so long they can't turn off or they find benefits (even negative ones) from this, people don't change (or even won’t change)!  They will continue to allow themselves to burn, be consumed by fire rather than step out and let the rain fall down on them. 
I never carry and umbrella. My best friend who carries an umbrella whenever it rains always wants to share with me but I tell him it’s not required.  Because, like my life, I need the balance of rain with heat: letting the rain pour over me makes me feel rejuvenated, refreshed and calm; from the outside on my skin, toward the inside of my body, right down to my soul.  You can often catch me closing my eyes and tilting my head to the skies with my arms stretching out.  Embracing it!

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Friday, 18 July 2014

I Believe... - July 18, 2014

I believe that everyone....

Deserves to be listened to...
Hugged, and held tight...
Have a strong, caring support network...
And have family and friends who are always there for them...

Friends who have been saying, "I hate people," and, " zero faith in humanity," have given me pause. I am inclined to think they are unto something.

The world definitely needs to change in how we see and treat one another. 

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Where There Is Smoke, There Is Fire - July 16, 2014

The chain of events that lead to this moment most likely goes back to January of this year.  And as the city I reside in is smothered in a gray haze and smells of strongly of horrible smoke due to massive fires destroying lands far away, I realized that it is a metaphor for how the Big Guy of the Universe has warned me of the dangers around me, in my own life. If I smell smoke, see smoke, there is fire! The signs were there.  My life was too close to the fire, but not one that could hurt my body, it was a fire that would kill me; mind, heart, and spirit.

My employer whom I looked up to and adored turned into someone I barely recognized in what could be considered a very short time; six months.  Six months ago is when they lit the fire of darkness.  This employer is barely happy anymore:
-complaining all the time to anyone who listens to them, over anything that is bothering them.
-gossiping... and yet there is a policy where that is not allowed in the workplace I am at that they, the employer, created.
-argues with their own family members right in front of staff and you can even overhear it frequently though they set a bar on professionalism in the workplace and have seemed to snuff out their own torch on upholding that.
-more frequently tells others of how they should be living their lives, and it seems quite closely related to the way they like to live their own life.
-behave like a martyr, and that the world is against them.
Furthermore, there are some staff members who are on equal par with them on the level of this behavior; and one in particular who we will call, “Oh my goooood,” girl who was the worst (imagine that with a snotty and slightly whining tone)….I swear that’s the only thing she knows how to say.  They all sat together, and began to fan the flames of darkness, and it brewed the smoke of negativity.

When the employer and some staff began to behave this way, I thought it perhaps was a passing thing; I sympathized and chalked it up to stress and listened to their woes, and even recommended on ways to help relieve tension and what we could do to solve any issues that arose.  Instead of grouping together and getting proactive to fix things, all it became was complaining… then more complaining… the tones of their voices and the words they said were hard to hear as all it became sounds of whining, anger, and disdain.  Instead of a group of people adding water to the fire, and one team adding dirt, and another group raking to make mud to smother the flames... they added more paper... more wood... "Oh my goooood," girl even added kerosene.

To hear it every day for weeks while seeing routines, morale and work affected in a negative way, (well, I speak for myself I should say I shouldn’t presume to know how others felt or what they perceived as happening) it felt like an assault on my ears and it felt hard to breathe because the negative atmosphere was like thick smoke.  Though I kept to myself and tried to stay away from it. The smoke was now everywhere, the fire would soon try and get me too.  I could feel them wanting me to become as they were, and because I wasn’t I felt ostracized.  I wanted no part of it.  I have seen through observations of others in my lifetime of how I don’t want to behave, or the type of person I don’t want to become; there was never a doubt that I would definitely not go down the path they were on. Furthermore, I was not going to continue to go to work for just benefits from the health package, vacation times and pay cheques.  It was not a happy place! I felt no joy! I was carrying the feeling home with me and it affected my personal sphere in a number of ways. When I realized that several weeks later I was developing signs of being burned out, feeling sad, even a little depressed which is a pretty foreign (but not totally unrecognizable) symptom to me … It was time to move on. And! Spend time with my loved ones who have been through so much in the past two years. It was time to take a nice long break and reassess my life... and save my soul.

I initially felt the shock of realizing I had to leave and wondered all those questions:
-Am I doing the right thing?
-What about the people I serve in my career? How can I leave them?
-What if I don’t find another job?
-What if this is all a mistake?
-What if I end up penniless and homeless?
-Can I really visit my old rural homes with my family for a long period of time and keep my apartment in the city while I find myself again?

In a very quick period of time, I know I have made the right decision! And with every day passing getting closer to the last day, the reasons and reality of just how right it is for me is clearer; even right for my loved ones (my family and friends greatly benefit from this change).  I don't want to die in a fire that is now roaring.  The signs that it is never going to go away is due to the smoke that is now black; covering the sky so no cloud is seen but for a red-coloured sun while the smell is burning the nostrils. I am safe from the fire, and am at the lake wading in the water, getting ready to swim across in due time.  Especially when I see that, "Oh my gooooood," girl that left the work I am at is returning; that my employer continues to yell and complain; that staff are still sitting around the fire encouraging it to grow.... though now it is outside the circle of the and then somebody notices, stomps at it,  and then ignores again. 

They have ignored the warning signs for too long, and fire, is never as easy to control or contain as humans like to think. Its fire after all. It burns, all it wants, is to burn!

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Favourite Memories of Nature - July 15, 2014

Over the years, there have been a number of things I have seen and heard in nature that have remained well established in my memory bank and arise to the surface no matter how old I get.  At certain times these events that once occurred very long ago pop up to the front of my mind when I least expect it, or, when I need to unwind because I feel a little stressed so I conjure them up. One that has been ever-faithful to remain an imprint on my brain is when I saw four rainbows. 

I was seven years old and fishing at the end of a dock during a rainfall.  I looked up at the sky, and four rainbows began to take shape; they soon made a perfect arch over the lake.  The most breathtaking aspect of it all is that the indigo and violet colours were very distinctive from each other that night; the violet almost glowed and the indigo was a very dark, rich-coloured line; making a beautiful contrast between the two, and even more against the navy, rainy sky.

Any of my memories of visiting waterfalls are also fantastic! I have videos of course but the memory is always so much sweeter.

Visiting the Columbia ice fields!

Hiking up mountains in Jasper National Park

Sunflowers’ turning their heads toward the sun, as it makes its route across the sky in the afternoon on my grandparents’ farm.

Drying in the hot sun after swimming in a lake or a river

Running as fast as I can and jumping into deep water at the end of a dock or pier while waves are moving strong and it is raining.

Whether lying on the grass in summer, or hiking through the snow in winter, watch the milky-way and all the other stars against a black sky while a full moon is out.

Camping in a canvas tent in summer with friends and just canoeing or swimming the whole time.

Chickadee birds singing me awake in the morning when I was growing up on a farm

Loons, calling across the lake in the evenings to where my grandpa’s campsite was; we stayed there a lot, my cousins and I.

The howls of wolves and coyotes

Sun’s rays dancing on the river in the city where I live right now, making it sparkle like diamonds

Walking through the deep forest as a child.

Napping or day dreaming on a large rock by a creek, as a teenager

Watering and tending to gardens and greenhouses

Eating wild Saskatoon berries at the end of summer days

There are many more memories, but these are the ones springing to my mind as of late.  Not due to stress or anxiety with all the changes happening in life, but because of how happy, excited and relaxed I have been these days.

Do any of you out there have some favourite memories to do with nature growing up?

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Fun Facts of the Week - July 14, 2014

I prefer:

...Texts to social media sites

...Emails to texts

...Handwritten letters to emails

...Phone calls to letters.

...Sitting with people face to face to phone calls

...And most of the time, hugs over handshakes.

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

My Sins: First One Is Gluttony - July 13, 2014

Sin! Specifically, any sin relating to the Biblical seven, and, because there are seven, I of course fall into at least one of them.  I have two of them, gluttony and wrath.  I will start with the one that is easier to explain, due to wrath being more centered about my temper and the horrid thoughts floating around in my brain rather than actually acting upon anything that would be considered wrathful.

I am gluttonous with food, of course. Classic, and typical in my family bloodline, even for the smallest of us. I spend lots of money on it.  I think about it constantly. I often go past the limit that my body actually requires.

I could be said that because of my genetics and even given my metabolism that it is probably normal for me. Back again to moderation! Everything in moderation as my parents taught me and sadly, this is one of those things I sorely lack control over, and have made no moves to.

Some people in my life could probably defend that I am not a glutton because of my fasts; one person felt that if I could fast that I should be able to control my ravenous appetite better. People are often impressed that other than liquids which are: juice, water, and tea that I do not intake anything else for a week or in other instances, just three days.  However, being a glutton and fasting even for the right, just and godliest of reasons, it is hard!  I do get a few second winds just when I need them, but the tough parts in between are only bearable.  Trust me! I am on my knees a lot, chatting with the Big Guy of the Universe every chance I get in the day and reflecting on my reasons with all my might as to why I was compelled to starve myself for others and my own spiritual guidance.

I can also tell you that my bank account looks bigger, healthier, and I have more focus on hobbies, people and get more stuff done that needs my attention when I am not thinking or so hopped up about food.

I have also been told that because of my size that maybe I require much more food that I think I do.  Out of everyone, definitely my cousins and sisters have all voiced I am a, "small," person.  I would say I am average myself.  Furthermore, just because people can be small sized does not mean it is not healthy to go past one's minimum daily requirements; there are always health issues that could arise, especially as I get older.  I cannot see any damage on the outside, but that doesn't mean I could totally be fine on the inside; everyone knows that.

My best friend explained that because i am a vegan (four years so far), active, and always busy, that everything I eat is good for me anyway.  Even being vegan, there are still many junk foods that I am prone to that are considered vegan-friendly and I KNOW I shouldn't eat so much of.

I will list an evening I had recently, and I would like to point out that this is NOT including my breakfast, lunch and small snacks I had throughout the day at work before I got home and decided I must have a feast:
Giant bag of kettle cooked chips
Small bag of kettle cooked chips
Whole pack of guacamole
Plate full of rice with sesame seeds, shoyu, smothered in vegan cheese and kale
1lb of carrots
85 grams of fried up tofu

In case you were wondering, yes, it was ALL CONSUMED before I was even starting my rituals of getting ready for bed! There was nothing left.
Therefore, I do believe, a glutton, I am!

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

Saturday, 12 July 2014

Single. By Choice. Clearly - July 12, 2014

I honestly cannot tell which has been the worst reaction by loved ones or acquaintances… When I was getting in a relationship? Or when I have been single? 

I think I will save the tale of when I got into a relationship for a later food-for-thought-moment, and for now just focus on the present status I uphold, which is being single.  Being single is a problem for others, but not for me. Here is how.
First off, I have noticed that as soon as I have one thing in common with another person (often someone I have NEVER met) my family member, friend or acquaintance figure I should be introduced to them.  Second, people who are uncomfortable with being single are therefore always uncomfortable for me; despite their life is there’s and mine is MINE, they make an attempt they try to FIX the situation for me. The forced act of hooking me up with someone lasts mere seconds when they realize I won’t stand for such silliness! Third, they fear I will die alone, even though I am only thirty; though from their point of view, being over thirty years old is all the more reason I need to get into a relationship. The final argument is that they feel there may be something wrong with me because I am clearly making no moves to find someone to be in a relationship with.

Given the type of person I am, why am I going to go out with someone I have never met based on one common personality trait or interest?  There is so much more to any of us than one thing. It’s like with my gay friends, I would never set any of them up together because none of them have anything in common at all.  Yet I cannot believe how many folks will try and convince their friends who like the same sex to go out together just because they are gay. I have always felt that personality, interests and life goals are important. Well, at least I know that for myself.

The latest is people keep mentioning to me that they should hook me up with someone they love or care about because they love anime, and so do I.  I have been hearing this one for almost a year now and it fascinates me.  No one even bothers to ponder if we even like the same type of anime, let alone take a look at anything else about myself or the other person who I have never met.  I feel sorry for the people I never met who I am being convinced to date, because if feels more like their family or friends who care or love them are trying to give them away at a market or something. It is very awkward. And it’s so awkward I don’t even want to share the conversations I have had with them here because it makes me uncomfortable at how silly they sounded. Come to think of it, perhaps it is even similar to a setting in court room where someone is trying to win an argument over a case? Anyway, I digress.
For those in my life who have to be in a relationship to be happy, I love them no matter what. However, just because they are uncomfortable with being single, does not mean myself and the rest of the world is either.  I know it can be hard for some people to look and even empathize from another’s point of view in how they feel or see the world, even their wants and desires; so I don’t get too angry with them.  I just politely point out the differences between us. It’s only if they come after me with a negative attitude or attack my character based on insecurities within themselves that maybe I get firm, maybe angry, and persuade them to calm down.  You wouldn’t believe how people get defensive when I am not upset by my single life! Here I thought my twenties were bad!
I am in my thirties, single, and making no moves to change: this is what I hear cried out! 
First of all, I will be thirty-three soon and I cannot change that.  You may be able change your identification, tell people a different age than you actually are, and that’s your choice. For me, I am going to be thirty-three and I wouldn’t have it any other way because this is a fact of who I am.  I accept it, and love it.  I also do not think of this age as old at all.  I think of it as a blessing; praying and hoping that I get another day, another week, month, year, and decade, before I die. I have been surrounded by death and near deaths of loved ones in the past two years which has been very rough on us all. Especially when I have been quite aware of my mortality since my twenties, so now I am more aware.  Life is so short, precious, and too wonderful to take for granted. If I die tomorrow I die knowing that I did have a great love once, but I also had the love and support of my family and extended family, and many friends and acquaintances.  And! That life was full, happy and exciting.  This does not mean I am not open to the idea of dating or being in a relationship again one day, contrary to popular belief. I am more of the get-to-know someone, become friends with people, and if down the road I find myself realizing that perhaps I would like to date or become more than just friends with someone I know, then, perhaps I will no longer be single.  That’s the way it was the last time, and I have always been aware of how I like things to move for me when it comes to the idea of getting into relationships.  
Therefore, I am single. Clearly by choice.


Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.